#always

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#midnightrants

Now that I need to draft a manuscript for publication, I realized how difficult it is to put down all the thoughts. To arrange everything so that it will be smooth. To relate points so that it will make sense.

And, I also have come to realize how incompetent I am for grad school. I don't know how can Abang Aizat supervise my undergraduate final year project back then while he himself is in the middle of his MSc. research. On that note, given that I am still like this, I don't think I can teach, let alone supervise anyone.

Much, much respect to him.

Again, mekasih Abg Aizat!
Now I am grateful to you more than ever. :)

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The year that just went by.

As compared to previous years, the year 2012 has been quite a handful, with its fair share of troubles, headaches, pain and of course, happiness and love. 

With so many friends have gotten engaged, married and started having babies, Umi has started pressuring me into finding someone and get married, or engaged at least. Now, that is something I haven't had up until now. Heck, it was quite difficult into finding answers to all of her questions, and thank God I am still studying, which is the best legitimate excuse I can find. Not entirely sure the same excuse could save me this year though. :V

Some may say that I was being too hard on myself. I may be so, but if it is what it takes to compensate the lousy choice I made, then what else do I have left? It has come to my realization that the only way I can ensure a good future is by living a good present, utilizing whatever things I have and making the most out of them. It is no longer my choice, I'm afraid. In my case, the efforts are no longer taken into account, it's all the results that matter, the actual success, which appear to be very few and far between.

The year that just went by made me to understand that someone and/or something aren't worth the effort anymore. And that certain things need to be put to an end. Somehow I think we really should know what we are worth, and try not to settle for anyone who doesn't know. Like seriously. Words shouldn't get us to be all that impressed, for they are just words, uttered to please, getting hopes up high, but oftentimes they are just deceiving, totally derailing us from the reality.

Had I not gone through all these times, I wouldn't have known certain people whom I began to value now. This year, some of them are going to leave, pursuing different paths and it sorta leave me in the dark just to think about it. Yeah, I am that dependent when it comes to certain people, for they know what I need to endure all these while. It is not that I don't trust other people. It is just that it is too tiring to repeat the same thing every single day, it is pointless to whine on the same thing without being able to do anything about it even if I tried to. If it is exhausting for me just to talk about it, why wouldn't it be so for the people having to listen to me every single day? Having these thoughts, I chose to bottle up the feelings I have and somehow it has left me a total wreck.

I may not have expressed myself enough and sometimes, if not most of the times, I appear not to care at all. But believe me when I say I am thankful for all the warmth and kindness I have received so far. There are things I know I can't afford to repay and thank you guys enough, so I hope that all of you know how grateful I am for your presence.

2012 has also prove that fairy tales do exist. I don't need to say anything further, do I? :)

There are few things I've realized along the way, and perhaps I should make some changes for the upcoming days. Write a better story and be a better me, that is. :)

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