You Broke My Heart and I Let You.

When you like someone it should be obvious to everyone in the vicinity that you’re making each other feel sensations you didn’t even know were possible. Electricity when you touch. Melt at their smile. And you’re supposed to let the person you like know you’re into them. Drop hints. Send them “Do you like me Y/N?” texts. Otherwise, we will drive ourselves wild analyzing every text message our loves and lusts send, everything they’ve ever said, every innuendo they ever gave.

The fool-proof, human-emotion science of it all is, the more you pull away, the more we chase. Chasing after someone who doesn’t love you anymore or isn’t into you “like that” is the worst. You’re the one sitting by the phone, waiting for them to respond to a text you sent hours ago. You’re the one debating whether you should re-text them first, throwing a tantrum where you’re all, Fine. If you’re not going to text me back then I’m going to turn my phone all the way off for the rest of the day so that when you finally do decide to text me back I don’t text YOU back for hours, too. You’re the one who invites them over to “watch a movie,” the international sign for let’s make out and dry hump on the futon, and when nothing happens, you’re the one who comes away feeling like a desperate idiot. But you’re not desperate — you’re just really in-like.

You broke my heart and I let you. We were one, but somewhere, something went wrong. You stopped trying. You stopped texting me cute, funny stuff throughout the day. The sexy pics stopped. The dates stopped. You stopped and the excuses started. The writing was on the wall as they say, but I looked away from it even though I should have known better. I chased you anyway.

But why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we let people break our hearts when we always know better?

We want to feel loved — by you. It’s scary because we feel this intellectual, spiritual, emotional, and physical connection to you. And we’re lucky to ever find even two of those connections in a single person, so having all four feels like hitting the jackpot, which probably explains why the sex is so good. That’s why we keep chasing, that’s why we keep hoping. Our rational brains and BFFs tell us NO, NO, NO, but our loins and emotions tell us that you feel so good.

No matter how much our loves and likes hurt us, we always imagine that they will wake up in the middle of the night and suddenly realize what a hot titty we are, that they will come to their senses and bring us a bouquet of roses and our favorite chocolates, just like the last scene of every movie. So we keep hoping, we keep chasing. And sometimes they do come around, and if they don’t we have to learn to stop running and give it a rest. Emotions like jealousy, anger, anxiety — these are all ways our bodies tell us that something isn’t quite right. But sometimes, we want this person to like us so much that we toss all rational thought and human warning signs aside in hopes that things will be different, that one day they will come around, because you really hope they will.

I once heard in a Sex and the City, which is where everybody should go for relationship advice, episode that there can only ever be one “star” in the relationship — the person who gets tended to, celebrated and, well, chased after. The star/person being chased gets to just sit there and enjoy the adulation. But that’s not fair. There should be mutual chasing, and maybe if there were, our hearts wouldn’t get broken so often.

By MADISON MOORE

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She said Yes.

None of us had expected she's going to be the first among us.

Sorry guys, she's now officially off the market. :P

Seeing how happy she is with him, I rest assured she is in good hands. 

Second engagement for The Lollies is coming up next week. 

Congratulations to both of you!

May Allah's blessings be upon you.

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Go Tigers!

That first experience of watching a live football match in a stadium was amazing.

Terrific first half and the most important thing is, we won. :D

 

 

Sorry Tara and Yanti... I went ahead instead of our promise to go to the stadium together someday.

The chance just came out of nowhere and I found myself wearing a jersey heading to the stadium with them. :)

As for the match against Thailand, my prayers are with you. All the best!

XOXO

“Life could be limitless joy, if we would only take it for what it is, in the way it is given to us.”

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Wasn't meant to be.

 

“I don’t want just words. If that’s all you have for me, you’d better go.”

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I've had enough and seriously am too tired of this.

If this is not meant to me, please show me a way out. Even if it means I need to start again from 0.

:(

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If you are...

There’s a quote that says people come into our lives for a reason, season or lifetime and I always hope you’re sticking around for the latter. 

But if you are a reason, it must be to show me that I need to fix the breaks and embrace the wounds. Perhaps you’ve served that purpose and any day now we’ll part ways. That’s a sad thought – heartbreaking in fact, but maybe that’s just the way it is. 

If you’re a season it’s because you were more necessary than you probably realized and a significant part of my surviving a difficult stretch in life. You provided the little bit of light in an abyss of darkness, the nourishment when I was starving, the ears when I needed a listener. Like most seasons though, you’ll run your course and suddenly be gone. Reasons and seasons both suck in the end, but they’re deserving of some appreciation if you take them for what they’re worth.

Now if you are a lifetime – well then that means everything is going to work out. The worries, concerns and uncertainty will eventually disappear. Being involved in each other’s forever may not show in the cards right now, but who’s to say that the next hand we’re dealt won’t make it visible? If you’re here for a lifetime then that changes everything. If you’re here for a lifetime we haven’t met at the worst time, we’ve met at the right one — the perfect one.

Read more at http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/we-met-at-the-worst-possible-time/#YfLXAwqdjqBvyVUB.99 

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Maybe, just maybe..

Now I don't feel like talking to anyone. Probably because I know talking doesn't really help?

So instead of complaining to someone, I'd rather bottle up my feelings, keep my thoughts all by myself and think, till it gets me nowhere. 

Yes, I have walls build up between me and most people. I build walls because it is easier than letting someone in. The good thing about walls is that they keep out people, and most importantly they keep out hope as well.  

No matter who comes into my life, I always never really let them it.  Blocking people out and curling up inside by myself is like a second nature to me. It has nothing to do with friends, or believing all guys are the same or that some people will leave, because I know they are not. 

Nobody knows what's going on inside my head. Sometimes, even I don't really know. Sometimes it's too confusing. Sometimes I am determined and it is clear what I want. But another moment, I don't know if I want it anymore. 

Maybe it's just my insecurities. 

Maybe I watched too many Disney movies, fairy tales, Cinderella and fancy Korean shits, but somehow it's gotten into my head that someday, the day will come where I finally will open up, everything will be clear, and eventually giving me my happy ending. 

Maybe, just maybe...someone will come and save me not from evil step-sisters but from myself. 

Maybe, someone will make this whole thing worth it. 

But...how could I, grow up expecting this to happen?

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16.09

It's not the distance that matters.

Everyone is either in KL and Selangor area. We are soooo close, yet we don't really meet.

Uh, whatever.

Finally we're meeting up! 

Woohoo! :D

Thank youuuu for being here.

I had a rough week and I'm feeling much better now. :)

“The best advisers, helpers and friends, always are not those who tell us how to act in special cases, but who give us, out of themselves, the ardent spirit and desire to act right, and leave us then, even through many blunders, to find out what our own form of right action is.” 

- Phillip Brooks

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You and Feelings.

Everything was just fine. You were content in every sense of the word. Then one day there was a knock at the door and it was your old friend, Feelings. For many of us, we’ve been avoiding Feelings like the plague. We say, “What are you doing here? I haven’t been responding to your calls or texts for a reason.” But Feelings just wants to hang out, spend a little time – do some catching up. It sounds like a dreadful idea. You know how this ended last time. It’s not that you don’t enjoy Feelings’ presence. It has more to do with the fact that Feelings always brings an uninvited guest.

You cave, allowing Feelings to come in. You’ll do a lot of reminiscing. Recalling happy times from the past, debating why you stopped being such good friends. You both know why, but you’ll dodge that discussion to avoid spoiling the positive environment you and Feelings are currently in.

In typical fashion, Feelings invited a friend. That friend’s name is Hope. Hope brought a suitcase upon arrival. That suitcase held a few clothes and some grooming products – only enough for a short stay. At least that’s how it typically works. You’re fully prepared for Hope to be in and out of your home in a timely manner, because that’s the common procedure.

You’re a cautious person, but by spending time with Feelings you’ve slightly changed your thinking. Feelings’ friend Hope needs shelter, and you volunteered your home as a temporary haven. That gesture is powerful. By willingly welcoming Feelings into your humble abode, you’ve altered the entire atmosphere in ways that aren’t immediately recognizable or physically visible. You don’t normally enjoy this.  You’ve got a security system installed because you don’t trust people in your home. It staves off thieves who try to steal your belongings for a quick fix. You don’t like people being in your home at all – much less luggage-toting strangers named Hope. In the past you’ve enforced a strict no company rule. This goes against everything you’re comfortable with, but Feelings is persuasive, so you make an exception for Hope.

Things are going surprisingly nice. You’re thoroughly enjoying having Hope around. Feelings tells you, “See, I told you Hope was amazing — you never listen to me!” Feelings will convey all of Hope’s great qualities to you, omitting the bad. Feelings ignores initial red flags and gut instincts, because right now you like Hope, and that’s all that really matters.

You and Hope snuggle on the couch talking about life. Talking about future plans. Telling stories about your teenage stupidity. Talking about guilty pleasures, embarrassing memories and your favorite pizza toppings. Talking about everything, and nothing at all.

You’re growing uncomfortably comfortable with Hope around. The typically irritating habits Hope has aren’t annoying you in the slightest. Why does Hope have to be so flawless and continuously prove Feelings right?

You’re falling. Falling dangerously deep. The lower you get, the darker it should be – but Hope is shining bright, lighting everything up along the way. Because it’s lit up, you’re able to see things you never have in the past. Lower and lower you sink, discovering brand new territories. It’s beautiful down there.

Feelings tells you to completely relax. To fall. To quit wildly grabbing for something to hang on to, and completely let yourself go. You fall and uncontrollably until finally, you land. Hope has caught you. After a lengthy plummet, you’ve found stability. It’s indescribable really. It’s as if Hope has placed you on a solid surface — yet it also feels like your walking amongst the clouds. Feelings tells you that this is what you’ve always wanted – and for all you know, it truly is.

Time goes by and as content as you were alone, you’re twice as joyful and comfortable with Hope and Feelings around. It’s pure happiness. Feelings raises expectations regularly, and Hope continuously exceeds them. How were you able to function before? It was so lonely without company. That’s not how life is meant to be, isolated and closed off. We’re supposed to share it. We’re supposed to invite Feelings over and fall until Hope catches us.

Then you wake up one morning. It may be sudden and unforeseen, or it may have been a long time coming — but Hope is gone. Hope is nowhere to be found. If this is happened before, you know the type of pain you’re about to encounter. If it hasn’t, you’re in for a miserable experience. You’ve been abandoned. You search, and maybe even try to get a hold of Hope, but it’s clear that for now, Hope is gone. You place the blame on Feelings. You didn’t ask for this, Feelings forced it on you. Feelings badgered you until you welcomed Hope, trusted Hope, loved Hope. Now Feelings has completely lost all creditability and trust.

Life appears miserable. It’s just you and Feelings living in your home. You’ve upgraded the security, installing the most protective package available. Feelings has fallen ill and there seems to be no remedy. This sluggish, hopeless version of you is in no condition to nurse Feelings back to health. This is one of the lowest lows. Unfortunately this fall is not beautiful when lit and it doesn’t feel like the clouds.

Feelings’ health begins to improve, but this stay must come to an end. You can’t see Feelings everyday, it’s a constant reminder of Hope, and you don’t want that. The only way to erase the memory of Hope and move forward is to evict Feelings and start fresh. You’re alone again. But it’s secure, and that’s comfortable. The days are monotonous, the nights are lonely, but the wounds are healing. Every once in a while a thief attempts to break in, but your security system works wonders.

You sit on the couch. You watch one of your guilty pleasure movies and order a pizza with your favorite toppings. This life isn’t glee, but it isn’t gloom either — and maybe that’s all we can ask for. Days. Weeks. Months go by. You’re stronger but you don’t realize it until later. You reflect a lot and feel a great sense of pride in managing to survive being deserted. When you fall deep for Hope and get left at the bottom, you have to pull yourself and the limp body of Feelings all the way back up. Why would you ever want to drop down there again? This is safe. Safe is content. Content is better than miserable. You’re going to be impervious to heartache. You’ll be unbreakable in the future. This will never happen aga–

There’s a knock at the door. You sit for a few moments, hoping that they’ll go away. They ring the doorbell. You remain quiet. More knocks. They aren’t going anywhere, so you tip toe cautiously toward the door, leaning in to take a look through the peephole. It’s Feelings. With multiple pieces of luggage, and a gorgeous friend.

By CHRISTOPHER HUDSPETH

Read more at Thought Catalog.

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“Nikah is a contract that transfers responsibilities. Therefore know the man you’re thinking of marrying, and be sure that he is able to take care of you, more than your dad did. Islam empowers women with honour and dignity. Don’t settle for anything less.”

— Ust Nouman Ali

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Pitch black and it is all real.

Sure, I always find myself getting stuck in routines and ruts.

And my life may seem as mundane as it could possibly get.

But I am fine with that. 

Mundane is probably what I need.

Honestly.

I am fine with getting up earlier than everyone in the house.

I am fine with getting back later than everyone as well.

Really.

Because it is for something that I like.

Or at least I thought so.

What would I do, now that even plan B seems like a failure?

Sureee...there's always Plan C.

It is likely not going to happen, unless there's a miracle..by which I honestly doubt so.

:(

And here I thought things couldn't possibly get worse than they already are.

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N for...

I really really love Kak Norsha.
Thank you..akak. :)

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It's 5 in the morning and I can't seem to close my eyes.
Must be because of the earlier caffeine since I need to work on an article.
Or might even because I can't get this one song out of my head for I had been listening to it repeatedly for the entire night.
Or is it because someone left me pondering and I can't find the answer?
But surely I hope it is not because something is going off my routine.

Whatever it is, my head hurts.
And I am super hungry too.

I wonder what's for breakfast. :D

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.Syawal.

It's Hari Raya again!^^

The failed ketupat and one of the few I managed to anyam in the lab. :D

Nothing much happened though. 

And this time, it felt like something was missing. 

Something that wasn't right. 

I really have no idea though. 

Probably it was because some people are being invisible, or at least pretending to be one. 

Or it was because not that many friends are back in kampung for they are already working on the third day of Syawal.
And probably because the world revolves around the sun, and not me. :P 

The person I owe my whole life to.

Oh well. Whatever it is, I still had a good time though. :)

Managed to meet up with several friends is good enough, considering everyone is tight on their schedule.

Everyone is now working except me and very few others, hence all the reason why I am under pressure.

For a moment, they managed to get me very doubtful on the path I have chosen. Stupid me. :(

 Nevertheless, seeing Umai, Yumna and Aza and the rest has brought back so many memories. Finally we had a chance to visit KY, but too bad she's already going back to KL. :(

Besties for life.

Oh, I've realized one thing.
People would rather stay at home, sat in front of their laptops or ipads or whatever must-have lifestyle products they have than visiting people and hanging out with friends.
It pissed me off especially when my siblings are like that as well. ==''
For God's sake, if it is not now, when are you going to spend your time with your friends?
The same thing during gatherings.
 Rather than chit chatting, people would prefer sneaking a look at their smartphones.
You finally had a chance to gather around a table, and yet you opt for your phones? Like seriously? ==''
Call me lame, old or whatever..I just don't get it. Really. Because for me, it is frightening how these lifestyle gadgets have the ability to steal people's attention and makes the reality or people they are with become less interesting.
Oh, I guess I really am old for thinking this way. *sigh*

Talking about how old I've become, there's always that one topic brought up in conversations, especially among friends.
Most people are having a difficult time seeing from my point of view, hence prompted me to make up some lame excuses. Haha.
For those who really understand, I would like to thank you.
For your understanding, for being supportive, for being there all this while, in the midst of confusion.


This Syawal was probably the weirdest so far.
Some unexpected things had happened by which for once, I don't even know how to respond to.

For a Hari Raya with nothing much happening, this is quite a lengthy post. HAHA.


You said I am missing someone. But I think it is more like a habit. 
We will feel that something is missing once it is gone. 
Sometimes, it is not even that empty feelings.
 Sometimes it is just an excuse when we can't seem to stop the habit once it gets into our routine. 

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The breakups.

Before you get married - before you settle down and commit yourself to one person for the rest of your life - you should have at least 3 relationships. And you should break up from these 3 relationships in 3 different ways. These experiences will teach you valuable lessons that you need to learn before you can truly find happiness. Think of it as your Foundation, Intermediate and Advanced-level courses.

1. The breakup in which your heart gets broken. 

Most people will experience this. This is the breakup that hurts really, really bad. Maybe you were cheated on. Maybe you were just cruelly and coldly dumped. Or maybe (and I know people who've experienced this before) your partner just up and disappeared and never even bothered to let you know it's over. In any case, it's the kind of breakup where you feel like your world has just ended.

The lesson: You can survive. Your world has not ended. Your life goes on. And eventually, you will learn to open up again and love another person. The first time hurts the worst; if it happens again, just tell yourself "been there, done that." Having your heart broken doesn't kill you. It only makes your heart stronger.

2. The breakup in which you break someone else's heart. 

Most people may not even be aware that they experienced this. This is where you dump someone. It might be for any number of reasons. You found someone better. You got tired of the relationship. You never really loved that person, it was only lust or pity or puppy love. But that person whom you dumped will suffer the deepest of pain, and it is because of you.

The lesson: You realize the power you have over the people close to you. You realize how badly you can hurt someone, especially those who love you. You realize your responsibility to be kind, sensitive and respectful - to not be the kind of people who hurt you.

3. The breakup that is perfectly amicable and has no hard feelings whatsoever. 

Most people may never experience this, but it is important. Maybe the relationship was troubled and stormy - but the both of you can agree that breaking up is for the best. Or maybe the relationship was perfectly pleasant, but it has to end for whatever reason, and both of you can accept that. Maybe you can both remain friends - and only friends.

The lesson: That love and romance doesn't have to be painful. You don't have to have drama in your life. Your relationship can be steady and peaceful without being boring; it can be wild and passionate without being heart-breaking. If you're smart, if you're mature, if you know how to choose people who are equally smart and mature, you can be happy. Even through breakups.

Taken from a forum I frequent. And this is just a note for myself.

I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. And I believe that there's no turning back once something had happened. Still, this does not mean I am encouraging relationships or being a couple, before getting married. I know that's what most people do, and I used to be one from the likes but as the time goes by, I no longer favor such thing. 

Lame, but...yeah.

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たすけて！

Last  night's conversation with Tara really gets me into thinking.

There are so many things I don't have an answer to.

There are so many issues I need to deal with, which I don't have to previously. 

Okay, perhaps it wasn't that I don't have to deal with it, it was rather I kept avoiding it all this while.

Now that we are I am turning 24, there are no excuses left for me.

And going back for Raya won't make things better.

Those questions. 

たすけて！><

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I wish next Thursday would come faster. 

I miss baking. I miss the food. 

I miss the people and yes, I miss home. :(

Why is it okay to tell someone that they are too skinny 

when it is not okay to tell someone that they are too fat?

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#ThankYouLeeChongWei

I hate to see this.

 

It's the same thing for football.

I really hate to see the players devastatingly got on their knees when the referee blew the final whistle.

Come to think of it, so far there's only three sports that can get me so emotionally caught up. ;_;

Anyway, last night he fought really hard, carrying the hope of 28 million people. 

Despite the defeat, he deserves all the praise. He should stop apologizing, really.

おつかれさまでした。

You may not win the gold, but you've won our hearts. 

Definitely you've owned mine as well. :)

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Can a guy and a girl be best friends?

Was stuck in the traffic when there's this question on Hitz.fm.

The answers from the two guys I am closest to: 

*runs*

Even though best friends don't always ended up together, somewhere in between, 

the relationship definitely went a little further on some occasions. 

Still, it is possible. Either one or both of them must be gay. ;)

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Someday, for somebody.

Maybe I should start posting on usual basis again. 

Otherwise I might have missed all those crappy stuff and little things that could be of significance, someday.

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Good bye, John.

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and then I met you.

I wish these smiles will never fade away.

:)

“When someone else accepts you, that’s when you begin to see yourself through their eyes. And you begin to realize that there may actually be many qualities to like about yourself.” - Natsuki Takaya

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A Promise Sealed.

Once in while in the middle of a mundane life, 

love gives us a fairy tale.

Farah certainly make a beautiful bride today.

Congratulations! :)

Anddd should I expect another wedding...probably next year? :P

Amazing housemates are amazing. ♥

Who knew a single phone call could bring back a whole lot of memories?

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本当にしたいですか？

 Source: Surviving Your Stupid, Stupid Decision To Go To Grad School

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It's funny how being so close can seem so far.

Giving someone a silent treatment conveys that the person is not worth the effort to talk to.

It may not be the truth, but it just seems that way to me.

*sigh*

If I ever said/did something wrong, I'd really appreciate if you could tell me directly.

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Rants!

+++

And I thought ConanTV will wait for me to catch up on the episodes. Too bad it had to be removed today. :(

+++

Hey, why do you have so many things in your lab coat? It looked like a small drawer for storing lab tools..haha - Umar

+++

Funny how some people would recognize and remember me, when sometimes I have no idea who they are.

Yesterday, I met with the lab officer from USM. He recognized me as well. I couldn't remember his name though. Haha. It was nice seeing him. I miss USM.

And today, two girls from Medic Faculty are asking if I were the emcee of last two week's seminar.

 That super nervous emcee-ing experience in front of hundreds people. I swear I wouldn't do that again.

Can't believe someone can actually remember me for that. It's either I was too bad or too good, by which I really don't think so, haha! T_T

+++

It is difficult for others to understand the situation you are in, unless they are really there.

It's easier said than done, y'know.

+++

At the beginning, I was complaining how difficult it is for not having anyone from my research group working on neurons. 

Differences do make things interesting. 

When all other cells they are working on appears like roundish or dots, mine looks like this. <3

 

Woohoo!

Grow well.

+++

Also, tomorrow is the day.

+++

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Fairytales do exist. :)

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What was hard to endure is sweet to recall.

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Self-Worth.

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Weekend getaway~

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:)

I wonder if I like the person I am turning into. 

Still adjusting but it feels alright. So I guess it isn't a bad thing, at least.

 

I feel like the recent few months have taught me in a way that I've never had before. 

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まだです。

Hey you,  I won't quit after all. Not yet, at least.

I knew it, you got something in you.

But I'm afraid everyone will get tired of me eventually.

Who?

Them and you, of course.

I don't mind, heh

Okay, we'll see berapa lama you boleh tahan.

Sangat lama.

Yakin?

Sangat yakin.

Therefore, everyone..for these few years..please bear with all my whining, complaints and sobbing.

I'm sure plenty of those are yet to come. :P

よろしくおねがいします。

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On.The.Ledge.

     
     KNI and KNA : You are actually the only one who dares to speak up. Find another one and quit.
                                It'll be a huge blow.
     KW: What you are going through is not much compared to me.
     DJ: Just hang on.
     Z: Find another person.
     
     ......

    Soon after,
    NIC: Don't be stupid.
    
    I know.

     Then,
     KNI and KNA: NIC is right. Chances are, that person wouldn't let you go.
     DJ: Hang on. :)
     KW: So how?
     Z: Enough. Go back. Now. 
    
     ;_____;

     And today,
     NIC: See? You can do it. It's not that difficult anyway. It is, you dummy!
     KNI: NIC is right. It won't be easy to find another one. 
     KW: Ok laa...you manage to do it what..
     Z: Reassurance and happiness for a mere second. The cycle will repeat itself. 


     Everyone is somewhat right.
     どうする？

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休憩

It gets better. You just need time.

Really?

Really?

Because I feel like I'd quit this instant.

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