I've had enough and seriously am too tired of this.

If this is not meant to me, please show me a way out. Even if it means I need to start again from 0.

:(

Read More

If you are...

There’s a quote that says people come into our lives for a reason, season or lifetime and I always hope you’re sticking around for the latter. 

But if you are a reason, it must be to show me that I need to fix the breaks and embrace the wounds. Perhaps you’ve served that purpose and any day now we’ll part ways. That’s a sad thought – heartbreaking in fact, but maybe that’s just the way it is. 

If you’re a season it’s because you were more necessary than you probably realized and a significant part of my surviving a difficult stretch in life. You provided the little bit of light in an abyss of darkness, the nourishment when I was starving, the ears when I needed a listener. Like most seasons though, you’ll run your course and suddenly be gone. Reasons and seasons both suck in the end, but they’re deserving of some appreciation if you take them for what they’re worth.

Now if you are a lifetime – well then that means everything is going to work out. The worries, concerns and uncertainty will eventually disappear. Being involved in each other’s forever may not show in the cards right now, but who’s to say that the next hand we’re dealt won’t make it visible? If you’re here for a lifetime then that changes everything. If you’re here for a lifetime we haven’t met at the worst time, we’ve met at the right one — the perfect one.

Read more at http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/we-met-at-the-worst-possible-time/#YfLXAwqdjqBvyVUB.99 

Read More

Maybe, just maybe..

Now I don't feel like talking to anyone. Probably because I know talking doesn't really help?

So instead of complaining to someone, I'd rather bottle up my feelings, keep my thoughts all by myself and think, till it gets me nowhere. 

Yes, I have walls build up between me and most people. I build walls because it is easier than letting someone in. The good thing about walls is that they keep out people, and most importantly they keep out hope as well.  

No matter who comes into my life, I always never really let them it.  Blocking people out and curling up inside by myself is like a second nature to me. It has nothing to do with friends, or believing all guys are the same or that some people will leave, because I know they are not. 

Nobody knows what's going on inside my head. Sometimes, even I don't really know. Sometimes it's too confusing. Sometimes I am determined and it is clear what I want. But another moment, I don't know if I want it anymore. 

Maybe it's just my insecurities. 

Maybe I watched too many Disney movies, fairy tales, Cinderella and fancy Korean shits, but somehow it's gotten into my head that someday, the day will come where I finally will open up, everything will be clear, and eventually giving me my happy ending. 

Maybe, just maybe...someone will come and save me not from evil step-sisters but from myself. 

Maybe, someone will make this whole thing worth it. 

But...how could I, grow up expecting this to happen?

Read More

16.09

It's not the distance that matters.

Everyone is either in KL and Selangor area. We are soooo close, yet we don't really meet.

Uh, whatever.

Finally we're meeting up! 

Woohoo! :D

Thank youuuu for being here.

I had a rough week and I'm feeling much better now. :)

“The best advisers, helpers and friends, always are not those who tell us how to act in special cases, but who give us, out of themselves, the ardent spirit and desire to act right, and leave us then, even through many blunders, to find out what our own form of right action is.” 

- Phillip Brooks

Read More

You and Feelings.

Everything was just fine. You were content in every sense of the word. Then one day there was a knock at the door and it was your old friend, Feelings. For many of us, we’ve been avoiding Feelings like the plague. We say, “What are you doing here? I haven’t been responding to your calls or texts for a reason.” But Feelings just wants to hang out, spend a little time – do some catching up. It sounds like a dreadful idea. You know how this ended last time. It’s not that you don’t enjoy Feelings’ presence. It has more to do with the fact that Feelings always brings an uninvited guest.

You cave, allowing Feelings to come in. You’ll do a lot of reminiscing. Recalling happy times from the past, debating why you stopped being such good friends. You both know why, but you’ll dodge that discussion to avoid spoiling the positive environment you and Feelings are currently in.

In typical fashion, Feelings invited a friend. That friend’s name is Hope. Hope brought a suitcase upon arrival. That suitcase held a few clothes and some grooming products – only enough for a short stay. At least that’s how it typically works. You’re fully prepared for Hope to be in and out of your home in a timely manner, because that’s the common procedure.

You’re a cautious person, but by spending time with Feelings you’ve slightly changed your thinking. Feelings’ friend Hope needs shelter, and you volunteered your home as a temporary haven. That gesture is powerful. By willingly welcoming Feelings into your humble abode, you’ve altered the entire atmosphere in ways that aren’t immediately recognizable or physically visible. You don’t normally enjoy this.  You’ve got a security system installed because you don’t trust people in your home. It staves off thieves who try to steal your belongings for a quick fix. You don’t like people being in your home at all – much less luggage-toting strangers named Hope. In the past you’ve enforced a strict no company rule. This goes against everything you’re comfortable with, but Feelings is persuasive, so you make an exception for Hope.

Things are going surprisingly nice. You’re thoroughly enjoying having Hope around. Feelings tells you, “See, I told you Hope was amazing — you never listen to me!” Feelings will convey all of Hope’s great qualities to you, omitting the bad. Feelings ignores initial red flags and gut instincts, because right now you like Hope, and that’s all that really matters.

You and Hope snuggle on the couch talking about life. Talking about future plans. Telling stories about your teenage stupidity. Talking about guilty pleasures, embarrassing memories and your favorite pizza toppings. Talking about everything, and nothing at all.

You’re growing uncomfortably comfortable with Hope around. The typically irritating habits Hope has aren’t annoying you in the slightest. Why does Hope have to be so flawless and continuously prove Feelings right?

You’re falling. Falling dangerously deep. The lower you get, the darker it should be – but Hope is shining bright, lighting everything up along the way. Because it’s lit up, you’re able to see things you never have in the past. Lower and lower you sink, discovering brand new territories. It’s beautiful down there.

Feelings tells you to completely relax. To fall. To quit wildly grabbing for something to hang on to, and completely let yourself go. You fall and uncontrollably until finally, you land. Hope has caught you. After a lengthy plummet, you’ve found stability. It’s indescribable really. It’s as if Hope has placed you on a solid surface — yet it also feels like your walking amongst the clouds. Feelings tells you that this is what you’ve always wanted – and for all you know, it truly is.

Time goes by and as content as you were alone, you’re twice as joyful and comfortable with Hope and Feelings around. It’s pure happiness. Feelings raises expectations regularly, and Hope continuously exceeds them. How were you able to function before? It was so lonely without company. That’s not how life is meant to be, isolated and closed off. We’re supposed to share it. We’re supposed to invite Feelings over and fall until Hope catches us.

Then you wake up one morning. It may be sudden and unforeseen, or it may have been a long time coming — but Hope is gone. Hope is nowhere to be found. If this is happened before, you know the type of pain you’re about to encounter. If it hasn’t, you’re in for a miserable experience. You’ve been abandoned. You search, and maybe even try to get a hold of Hope, but it’s clear that for now, Hope is gone. You place the blame on Feelings. You didn’t ask for this, Feelings forced it on you. Feelings badgered you until you welcomed Hope, trusted Hope, loved Hope. Now Feelings has completely lost all creditability and trust.

Life appears miserable. It’s just you and Feelings living in your home. You’ve upgraded the security, installing the most protective package available. Feelings has fallen ill and there seems to be no remedy. This sluggish, hopeless version of you is in no condition to nurse Feelings back to health. This is one of the lowest lows. Unfortunately this fall is not beautiful when lit and it doesn’t feel like the clouds.

Feelings’ health begins to improve, but this stay must come to an end. You can’t see Feelings everyday, it’s a constant reminder of Hope, and you don’t want that. The only way to erase the memory of Hope and move forward is to evict Feelings and start fresh. You’re alone again. But it’s secure, and that’s comfortable. The days are monotonous, the nights are lonely, but the wounds are healing. Every once in a while a thief attempts to break in, but your security system works wonders.

You sit on the couch. You watch one of your guilty pleasure movies and order a pizza with your favorite toppings. This life isn’t glee, but it isn’t gloom either — and maybe that’s all we can ask for. Days. Weeks. Months go by. You’re stronger but you don’t realize it until later. You reflect a lot and feel a great sense of pride in managing to survive being deserted. When you fall deep for Hope and get left at the bottom, you have to pull yourself and the limp body of Feelings all the way back up. Why would you ever want to drop down there again? This is safe. Safe is content. Content is better than miserable. You’re going to be impervious to heartache. You’ll be unbreakable in the future. This will never happen aga–

There’s a knock at the door. You sit for a few moments, hoping that they’ll go away. They ring the doorbell. You remain quiet. More knocks. They aren’t going anywhere, so you tip toe cautiously toward the door, leaning in to take a look through the peephole. It’s Feelings. With multiple pieces of luggage, and a gorgeous friend.

By CHRISTOPHER HUDSPETH

Read more at Thought Catalog.

Read More

Read More

“Nikah is a contract that transfers responsibilities. Therefore know the man you’re thinking of marrying, and be sure that he is able to take care of you, more than your dad did. Islam empowers women with honour and dignity. Don’t settle for anything less.”

— Ust Nouman Ali

Read More